Eight years ago, I moved to California to chase down the dream of working in an industry that I was passionate about — gaming and esports. I started my journey at Monster Energy in 2017 as a community manager, then after several promotions, some headcount, and coming back from paternity leave to accidentally discover out that I was now overseeing a larger team through a screenshot, I was proudly elevated to become the Director of Gaming & Esports.
My promotion actually happened much, MUCH earlier this year, and I really wanted to write about it. However, I couldn’t figure out exactly what I wanted to write that would strike a balance between not being LinkedIn cringe and genuinely being proud of my journey. Eventually, I resolved that I would have something to share on my 8th work anniversary (in May), but that didn’t work out either because creativity sometimes doesn’t come when you beckon it.
One of the side effects of becoming important at work is that you get to attend larger meetings. In doing so, I was fortunate enough to listen to Tim Grover speak at a sales rally. He trained Kobe, Jordan, and other famous athletes and while we listened to an abbreviated version of his talk, something resonated with me: the difference between motivation and obsession.
Tim Grover describes motivation as a fleeting, temporary state of mind, whereas obsession is relentless and unwavering. Obsession allows you to keep pushing through the pressure cooker while motivation gives up on you when you are feeling fatigued. Obsession generates a fiery dedication to keep going, while motivation only lasts until you’re “done.”
When I originally made my New Year’s resolution to write more and use the domain I had left dormant over the years, I was simply motivated to do so. I had been wanting to write and be creative for a while, so nothing could stop me from resurrecting my domain name, setting up WordPress, installing a theme and learning a new CMS. I did that and was more or less “done” with re-learning and re-launching. My motivation declined once work and life as a parent dialed up.
I couldn’t find the time, the energy, and the reasons to maintain what I had resolved to do. Then I got even more busy, maybe I didn’t sleep well because my kid had me up in the middle of the night, maybe I had to work late, or maybe I just wanted to relax and play video games. Then work got a little more crazy. I became fatigued and the news of being promoted drifted further and further away from my mind. I agonized over a dissonance that I was unable to resolve. Recently, I recalled Tim Grover’s speech and realized,
I wasn’t “obsessed.”
And looking back at my life, I know this concept of motivation vs obsession to be true. I was never simply motivated to do anything that I got good at or spent significant hours doing. Maybe I was motivated at the start, enjoying a hobby or something new since I tend to be a sponge. But whenever I became obsessed, that thing was all I could think about and pushed me to the next level.
Obsession is the reason I played a metric f-ton of Starcraft and Dota, which got me this job. Obsession is the reason that I pushed myself to try harder, to get better at my job and get to where I am today. Obsession is the reason that I strive to be a good Dad to my son.
Whenever I do anything that I have ever been proud of in my life, it has been because I was obsessed. If we’re really being honest here, like I mentioned up above, one of the primary reasons I haven’t had the drive to type this post is because I’ve been obsessed other areas of my life outside of work: being a dad and being good at video games in what personal time I have left.
If you are eagle-eyed, you’ll notice the date of this achievement was back in July, and, you guessed it: when I started writing this post back in May, then again in July, I was simply motivated — not obsessed. Today is November 16th, almost four months later to the day and I finally have the motivation to wrap this post up so I can update my LinkedIn.
Four months later, I also have more clarity on my the intention of this post than when I first started writing and editing and it presents itself as a moment to reflect. Originally I was compelling myself to describe the disappointment of not being able to continue what I had started. Now, it serves as a reminder that while motivation in areas of your life is fleeting, the most important thing is: I kept all of my promises to myself in every other aspect of my life that truly matters — my obsessions.
I have some more thoughts (and motivations for finishing this post) that I will try to put to paper when I am feeling it, but I’ll leave it here for now.
And, for the record, Elon Musk is still a fraud gamer.
